And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Cor 5:15
"For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 108:4
"..but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!" Psalm 32:10-11
I have found that the Psalms have been so apt in a time like this:
"The troubles of my heart have multiplied, free me from my anguish" Psalm 25:17
And yet, I found that I wasn't able to follow what God's word said, I didn't have the ability to obey, and I feel so weak..It made me cry out to God that "I'm a wretch, but thank you for your grace of saving me through Christ." This situation exposed my heart that I don't really trust God to take care of me..and that I don't actually know him enough to trust Him? It also made me realize how scary it is to be in a mentally bad state. I feel okay currently but I don't know if it will creep back onto me again. But when I was breaking down, it was the worst feeling ever and everyday felt SO difficult, I just wanted to quit it all.
I don't think I've actually overcome this whole thing or the root of the problem. But I guess God is my anchor even when I feel like I'm drowning in my sea.
One good thing that I admit has come out of this is that I will be able to empathize better with people I meet in the future who face stress or struggle with anxiety, instead of JUST saying "Don't worry" "You're thinking too much" "Just take it easy, chill" (I'm not saying these are bad things to say) because sometimes words don't help much if your brain has gone haywire.
I thank God for my friends and family and church family who have been so supportive and caring in this time, listening to my rants and being so patient with me, remembered me in their prayers, sympathizing with me and not just leaving me on my own.
I thought of writing this post because I accidentally saw my post before starting training which ended with:
I will go back to the UK in a few weeks to do my pre-registration year. Hopefully all will be well. May I always cling to my Christ even when work gets busy. And that I will always refocus on what is most important. And may He lead me to where He wants me to be and make His desires mine.
The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1
Clueless as to what lies ahead, but, Jesus goes with me!